Lake of Angels
by PinStripedJackets
Summary: AU ish . Purgatory can really mess up a guy. Dean knows this from experience. Lucky for him Cas is there to help, but even Angels have to rest sometimes. At least Sam and Kevin are doing what they can and looking for God Rock.


**Title:** Lake of Angels

**Fandom:** Supernatural

**Characters:** Dean Winchester, Castiel, Sam Winchester, Kevin Tran

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** AU(ish). Purgatory can really mess up a guy. Dean knows this from experience. Lucky for him Cas is there to help, but even Angels have to rest sometimes. At least Sam and Kevin are doing what they can and looking for God Rock.

**A/N: **Written before Season 8, so everything about Purgatory is pure speculation.

* * *

It's really dark here, wherever the hell, here, is. It's not pitch dark, but its dark enough that I can't tell if the shadows I see are just that, or something else. I always feel like I'm being watched, like I'm being hunted. I probably am.

No matter where I go, I can always see their glowing red eyes. They keep waiting for me to let my guard down and rest. I can't allow myself to do that. I need to stay awake. I need to stay alert. I need to keep moving.

Well…_we_ need to keep moving. Cas is here too. If it weren't for him, I'd have been torn to shreds long ago. There are hellhounds here. Probably the same ones that killed me a few years ago too. They're constantly attacking us. I guess they want some familiar lunchmeat. Cas and I must have slice and diced at least a dozen of those bastards. They don't die. I think the only way something can die down here is if it's eaten or torn up and scattered all over the place. Honestly, both options sound appealing compared to living in a constant state of hunger, fear and exhaustion.

At one point, I thought I saw sunlight through the dense forest. I got really excited and pointed it out to Cas. He made this pained expression, kind of, like the one Bobby would make whenever Sammy made a silly mistake and he didn't have the heart to tell him he was wrong.

Then Cas smiled sadly, said, "Yeah, it sure is, Dean," and continued to trudge onwards. I looked back up and the light was gone. It must have been swamp gases or a hallucination. I should have known better than to look for hope in a situation like this.

* * *

"Kevin, are you sure you're okay with this?" Sam asked, handing the teenager a bottle of water and some aspirin.

Kevin, who had spent the past three hours hunched over a small table in a motel room pouring over notebooks and occasionally consulting a few slabs of rock gladly took the medication. "Of course," he said, giving his temples a small rub. "You've saved my life so many times, helping you find Dean is the least I can do."

Sam sighed and sat down at the edge of one of the twin beds. Renting out motel rooms had gotten a lot more awkward ever since Kevin started traveling with him. People would look at Sam with fear and disgust. That is, until Kevin came up with some convincing lie that made Sam look less suspicious. Here, Sam was Kevin's "Big Brother" from a Big Brother/Big Sister program for troubled teens and he was taking Kevin cross country to show him where drugs will land him. In the last city, Kevin was a rookie FBI agent, fresh from the academy and on his first case.

It both impressed and frightened Sam at how easily Kevin could lie and slip into any role he wanted. The kid had a talent for acting and he wasn't too bad with a shotgun either. He was a natural born hunter, and that thought scared Sam to no end.

"I know, and I really appreciate your help, but—,"

"But what, Sam? School? My potential? I've been a missing person's case for months now. According to the police, I'm as good as dead. With everything that's happened, I can't just return to my normal life. I don't even know what normal is anymore! And even if I could go back, I'd have so many things after me, odds are, I'd be dead by now. Besides, these things would keep calling to me," he said gesturing at the tablets. "At least by helping you, I'm not completely useless!" Kevin was standing with his fists clenched at his sides by the time he was finished.

Recovering from his outburst and seeing the pitiful yet guilty look on Sam's face, Kevin fell back into the wooden chair and hung his head. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Sam shook his head. Kevin reminded him so much of Dean, it hurt. He was so determined to get the job done and help people. He was a smooth talker, and always demanded a certain kind of music was to be played whilst he was driving. Sam felt like he was raising a younger version of Dean, and that made his stomach knot up. "No, Kevin, its fine," he said, standing up and getting himself a beer from the mini-fridge. "So, what do we have so far?"

Kevin shuffled through his notes and sighed. "Well, it looks like we're still missing some pieces, so I think there's another tablet out there with the information we need, but it looks like it has something to do with a lake of angels."

* * *

I haven't slept or eaten since I got here. I'm always tired and I'm always hungry. I want to die, but it never gets bad enough to kill me. I can feel myself getting weaker by the hour. Even Cas is having problems. He doesn't tell me he is, but I can tell. He's walking like he can't see what's right in front of him. Granted, I usually can't either, but he's been tripping over things more often than usual. He's also loosing his angel mojo. The time it takes for him to disappear and reappear is getting slower. He doesn't complain. I do enough of that for the both of us, and he sits through it and listens anyway. Sometimes he'll even crack a smile. Why is he still friends with me. I'm such a dick.

I asked a question I really didn't want to know the answer to. I asked Cas how long we had been in Purgatory. I expected something along the lines of "a while," or "too long." Not only did he give me a fast response, but a disturbingly specific one too. "The Earth equivalent of sixty-three days, eighteen hours, twenty-five minutes and thirty-two seconds." It might be some sort of angelic internal clock that's hardwired into their brains, but I think the counting helps him stay calm. Sometimes, when we stop for a while to rest, I hear him. _"…One thousand two hundred fifty one, one thousand two hundred fifty two…"_

I don't blame him. In the total anarchy of this place, number order—or order in general—must be comforting.

I miss everyone. I miss Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Mom, Dad, that Asian kid, hell; I'm starting to miss Meg and Crowley. I would give so much to see a familiar face, even if it was one that I hated. I just want to see someone other than Cas. He's a great guy and all, but it's a little maddening spending two months with only one person. I need someone to talk with. I try talking to Cas, but he's started to ignore me. I'm not sure, if it's because of something I did or said, or if he's just being Cas.

We ran into Gabriel and Balthazar. I hugged them. I actually hugged them. They say that they've been watching us. I'm not sure if that's creepy or comforting.

Apparently, there were perks to being a part-time Norse god. When Gabriel died, he went to this place called Fólkvangr and when Balthazar was axed, he became Gabe's plus one or something. I'm glad to see them, and I can tell that Cas is really happy to hear his brothers' voices.

Gabe says that after pulling some strings and owing Freyja a few favors, he was able to visit me and Cas in Purgatory and give us some help. They said that somewhere, there's a lake an angel's grace will go when they die. Apparently, sometimes, it'll open up and you're able to talk to someone if they're sitting on the other side. It's a trans-world telephone or something. They said that it was the only place the other creatures avoided if they could. The monsters are afraid of the Lake of Angels.

* * *

"Well…here we are," Kevin sighed. "Angel Lake, Nevada."

Sam pulled into a parking space and turned off the car. "Are you sure this is where the tablets said to go?" he asked.

Kevin nodded. "I'm positive," he said assuredly.

Sam clenched his jaw and huffed. Angel Lake was a park. Kids were running around, people were grilling on their barbeques and some older men were sitting in the middle of the water, reeling in their catches. "Okay, but how are we supposed to clear the area? I mean, I don't think it would be a good idea to do something like this with all these people around."

"It doesn't really matter," Kevin said getting out of the car. "It'll only open at night."

"What about the campers?"

Kevin smirked and pulled out his wallet, showing Sam his ID card. "Charlie Nguyen, University student," Sam read.

"I'm thinking that we can say that you're my advisor and we're taking detailed water samples and analyzing them. To study the growth of bacteria at night or something and we'll be using noisy equipment."

Sam bit his lip and thought. "Yeah, I guess that might work." In all honesty, he wasn't sure, but he trusted Kevin to be able to convince people. It's hard to argue with a college student, even if that student hasn't graduated high school yet.

"Good," Kevin said. "Now let's go find a park ranger."

* * *

"We've been sitting out here for hours. Are you sure that the connection is supposed to be made tonight?"

Kevin sighed in exasperation and stopped rowing the boat they were sharing. "Yes, Sam, I'm sure. Unless you would like to translate those rocks yourself to get a second opinion. I thought I was the child here." He said rolling his eyes. "Just relax. From what you've told me about Dean, he'll definitely be on the other side. It'll only be a matter of time."

"I hope you're ri—,"

"_Sam? Sammy, is that you?"_

* * *

Cas has been getting worse lately. His reactions have been getting slower and he's been being injured more whenever we are attacked. I'm worried about him. I had started a small fire, and we stopped to rest for a while. Upon feeling the heat from the flames, I heard him say the most terrifying eight words I've ever heard. "Dean, I can't see. I think I'm blind."

I'd been looking for this Lake of Angels for a long time now. Cas has been doing what he could, but Purgatory is hard when you can't see. Whenever we rest, he'll tell me what it's like being blind. I'm scared that he's going to end up dead because I can't save him. It's not his fault he's gone blind, and I know it's not mine either, but I still feel responsible for him. Like how I felt responsible for Sammy. Something is going to happen to him, and it's going to be because I can't protect the people I care about. I feel empty.

I fell asleep. For the first time in a long time, I fell asleep. I shouldn't have, I should have been taking care of Cas. I should have been keeping watch, making sure nothing came near us. I shouldn't have fallen asleep, but I did. It was nice, calming. I needed it.

I dreamt about Mom. I was a kid, and I was lost in the middle of a forest. I was scared and I was crying. It felt like all my nightmares were closing in on me. Suddenly, I felt someone grab my hand. I looked up to see who it was and I saw her smiling down at me. I wasn't scared anymore and she led me through the darkness, showing me there was nothing to be afraid of. She took me to a small lake and knelt down and ruffled my hair. "You're my little soldier," she said. "Keep fighting for your freedom, and don't forget who you are."

I told Cas about my dream. He said that I should follow the route my mother led me through. I said that it was unlikely that would take me anywhere, but he argued that mom had manifested herself in my dreams and gave me directions to the Lake. I'm reluctant to believe him, but he's pushed me to follow that path. I don't want to leave him alone, but he insists he'll be fine. I hope he's right.

Cas was right about one thing. My mom had led me right to the Lake. The water, if it really is water, glowed this really bright blue. Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn that I saw mom again, but it must have been a trick of the light or some other monster. I'm never sure anymore.

Tied to a dying tree—as if there were any other kind of tree here—was a small rowboat. I untied it and pushed it into the glowing water. It screamed, and I almost fell overboard. The water screamed and it immediately started to rock the boat. I gripped the ores as tightly as I could and started to row furiously towards the center of the lake, where it seemed calm.

As soon as I got there, the water went black and the calmer area around me began to glisten like a mirror.

"_Just relax. From what you've told me about Dean, he'll definitely be on the other side. It'll only be a matter of time."_

"_I hope you're ri—,"_

"Sam? Sammy, is that you?"

"_Dean?"_

In the water, where my reflection would have been, was Sam. He smiled and looked like he wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. I was probably looking at him with a similar expression.

"Dammit, Sammy, it's good to see you."

"_You too," _he said. He looked to his left and I heard another person's muffled voice.

"Who's that?"

"_Kevin,"_ Sam answered. _"He says that the connection will only last for a few minutes. How are you? How's Cas?" _

My stomach lurched when he mentioned Cas. "I…uh-I'm okay. I mean, It ain't exactly all unicorns and rainbows, and I'm tired and hungry as hell, but I'm fine. Cas…He's uh…" I sighed and Sam looked at me with his puppy eyes. "He's blind."

Sam's eyebrows furrowed and his jaw dropped. _"Is he…Is he okay?"_

"Yeah, he's fine. What about you? What have you been doing?"

"_I've been looking for a way to get you and Cas out of there." _He answered.

"Oh really? We've been looking for a way out too."

"_Yeah…Well, Kevin and I have been looking for more of those rocks carved by Metatron. We've found some useful bits of information on getting you guys out."_

What sounded like muffled shouting came from behind Sam. I could barely hear what was being said, but it sounded like "Sam, the police are here, we need to go. Now!"

Sam gave me an apologetic look, and he leaned forward, extending his hand. _"We need to go. Sorry. Looks like the people in this town caught on faster than the others."_

I leaned over and placed my palm against his. I only felt the water, but the gesture spoke for itself. "Its okay, Sammy," I smiled.

"_Hey Dean?"_

"Yeah Sammy?"

"_I…I just want you to know…I—,"_

"Yeah," I nodded. "I know. Me too."

* * *

_**I love you.**_


End file.
